


What Goes Around...

by twdsunshine



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-04-14 17:26:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14140902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twdsunshine/pseuds/twdsunshine
Summary: The second the reader hears the name Negan, she just knows it has to be the same arrogant jackass she knew when she was younger, the guy that publicly rejected her in college and broke her heart.  But things have changed, and with the tables turned, will she be strong enough to see that Negan gets his comeuppance?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is an anonymous request that got sent in on Tumblr two weeks ago. I love writing ballsy women! 
> 
> ‘So like pre apocalypse the reader knows Negan (like in ‘I know you’ but she’s considered unattractive to him even though Negan sleeps with the rainbow, but post apocalypse they meet again in Alexandria and reader is a class A B A D A S S S and negan is like hot damn and she’s like hell no (for now?¿)’

‘Well, hot damn, sweetheart.  Why the hell haven’t I seen you before?’

The Saviors were waiting when you returned from your run, your truck chock full of supplies that you’d managed to raid from a walker-infested warehouse that you’d come across a couple of days ago.  Rick didn’t like you going out alone, but you worked better that way, and you’d been determined to scavenge something to offer up, though if you had your way, you’d be fighting instead of bowing down to Negan’s commands.  As soon as you’d heard the name, you’d known it had to be the same arrogant son of a bitch you’d known back at school - it was hardly a common name, after all - and hell, he hadn’t changed a bit going on the smug smirk on his face as his eyes roamed over your body, his head tilted to one side as his tongue flicked out over his bottom lip.

‘I’ve been kinda busy,’ you snarked, gesturing at the boxes stacked up in the back of the vehicle, earning yourself a warning glare from Rick who was sweating profusely under the head Savior’s gaze.

‘Well, lookie what you brought me.  At least someone round here knows how to rustle up some goodies for me.’  He strode over to examine your haul, letting out a low whistle as his eyes roamed over the canned goods.  ‘Shit, doll, where’d you find all this?’

‘Warehouse out west of here.’  You regarded him coolly.  ‘Place was crawling with biters.  Looked like it hadn’t been touched since the start.’

‘And you fought them off for me?  Shit, you’re a real badass, aren’t you?  I could use a girl like you working for me.’

‘I fought them off for us.’  You couldn’t help the edge to your voice as he drew nearer to you, one eyebrow raised in a challenge as he swung Lucille between his fingers.  ‘You get half.  That’s the deal, from what I’ve heard.’

‘Well, you heard wrong, princess.  See, this place is mine now, and all these people here, they belong to me.  What I want, I take.  I make the damn rules, is that clear?’

‘Crystal.’

He took another step closer, catching his bottom lip between his teeth as he ghosted his hand over your waist, moving it down to your hip where it wrapped around the butt of your pistol and pulled it from its holster, lifting his shirt to tuck it into the waistband of his pants, revealing a few inches of toned, tanned skin, covered in a smattering of coarse, dark hair.  His eyes were locked on yours, almost daring you to react, but you kept your face blank, refusing to give him the satisfaction.  

‘What’s your name, doll?’

‘Y/N.’

‘Rick, change of plans.  You hold her,’ he ordered, thrusting Lucille towards the confused sheriff, and quirking his lips up in a cocky grin.  ‘Y/N here is gonna give me the grand tour.’

When you didn’t move, his hand pressed against the small of your back, forcing you to fall into step beside him as he turned to stroll along the street, his men fanning out behind you as though he’d given a silent instruction for them to go to work.

‘Y’know, there’s something so damn familiar about you,’ he admitted as you walked.  ‘The more I look at you the more I feel like I’ve seen that pretty face before, and I never forget a face as fucking pretty as yours.’

‘Is that supposed to be a line or something?’  You glowered up at him as he furrowed his brow, racking his memory to try and locate you.  ‘Because it’s terrible, and you’re wasting your time.’

‘No, I’m serious, doll.  Have we met?’

‘Not in this world,’ you huffed under your breath, praying for something to distract him and draw his attention away from you, but his eyes lit up as he caught your words.

‘Shit, no way.  No fucking way!’  His eyes were alight at the realisation that he did in fact know you from the past, and you were backing away from him as he leaned his wiry body back, a gruff laugh erupting from his throat.  ‘Y/N from high school, right?  Fuck!  Didn’t we go to college together too?  Goddamn, isn’t this a radical transformation!’

You didn’t answer him, hoping he’d exhaust the subject and move on.  Negan had been an ass at school, picking on those smaller and weaker than him, though he barely looked at you, almost as if he hadn’t known you existed.  At the time that worked just fine for you, happy as you were to stick to the shadows, keep a low profile, but when you started college, you’d discovered a newfound appreciation of him as he’d started to transform into a man in front of your eyes.  His skinny body had become toned, the muscles in his arms defined and strong as his shoulders broadened.  His face became chiselled, the stubble on his cheeks unable to hide the dimples that gave his smile a charm all of its own.  He seemed to mature as well, no longer laughing at the nerdy kids, instead working his way through pretty much every girl on campus.  It didn’t seem to matter: skinny, fat, tall, short, popular, bookish… Negan had them all.  Except you.

 

* * *

 

_‘Negan, hi!’  
_

_It had taken you the best part of a half hour to work up the courage to approach the familiar face dominating the conversation by the beer keg in the corner of your dorm.  Your roommate had insisted on having an end-of-semester blowout, and it seemed like everyone had turned up, the room growing increasingly hot and distressingly claustrophobic._

_‘Sorry, d’you wanna get a drink?’  Negan stepped out of your way, turning back to his conversation as you felt your cheeks flush at his casual dismissal.  
_

_‘Erm, no, actually.’  You reached out to lay a hand on his arm, letting it drop almost instantly when he stared down at you, his eyes flicking to your face, confused.  ‘I just wanted to say hi.  We haven’t spoken at all since… well, since school I guess, though we didn’t really talk then either, did we?  So, I guess… Well, this is kinda weird, right?  I just wondered if you’d wanna maybe catch up or something before we all head home?  Or after?  Whatever’s good for you, really.’  
_

_You were rambling and painfully aware of it.  You wouldn’t even be able to form coherent sentences if it wasn’t for the half-bottle of vodka you’d made your way through as the evening wore on, but you were determined that you wouldn’t let the semester end without at least speaking to him.  You weren’t sure why you were so nervous.  It wasn’t as if he was going to reject you.  Rumour had it that Negan had never rejected anyone.  He was out for whatever he could get, and, though that didn’t make him prime boyfriend material, your crush had grown wildly out of control._

_You waited for him to speak, maybe usher you away from the crowd so you could talk, or perhaps fix a date to get together another time, but his frown had grown deeper, as he looked awkwardly as his feet, taking a swig of his drink and coughing slightly.  ‘Errr, yeah, here’s the thing, doll.  I don’t think this is gonna happen, alright?  Have a good night though.’_

_And then he was turning back to his friends, pulling a face as they guffawed with laughter, and leaving you to retreat to the bathroom to lick your wounds._

 

* * *

 

‘So, is this a fucking coincidence or what!’  He was still crowing at the realisation of who you were, shaking his head as he laughed.  ‘It’s fucking fate, I’m telling you, sweetheart!  How the fuck did you end up with Rick the Prick over there?’

‘Rick’s a good man,’ you sneered at him.  ‘I’d follow him anywhere.’

‘And what if I could make you a better offer.’  

Every time you stepped back, Negan moved forward, constantly invading your personal space as if he thought that because of your shared history it was his right to get up in your face.  Your fists were balled at your sides as he towered over you, and you cast your eyes to the ground, trying to resist the urge to do something stupid like punch him or, worse, kiss him.  He was still a handsome son of a bitch, and you hated it.  If karma existed, he’d be hideous and alone by now, but no.  He was ruling the roost and sexy as hell, one of life’s natural winners, and you hated that he still got you flustered.  He was right though, you had changed a lot since college, and you weren’t the type of girl that got all tongue-tied and anxious anymore.  These days you dealt with discomfort by fighting your way out of the situation, having learnt a lot from the people around you: Rick, Daryl, Michonne…  They’d taught you how to be strong, how to survive, and you were damned if you were going to regress because of some asshole who’d rejected you a lifetime ago.

‘And what sort of offer would that be?’ you tested him, pushing him to reveal what it was he thought he had that could tempt you away from your home and your family.

‘Well, now, to start with I thought you’d make a damn good Savior, what with the whole kickass attitude you’re rocking these days, but shit, I can’t lie, I’m a little intrigued by you now, Y/N.’  He lifted a hand to trail his fingers down your cheek, slipping them under your chin so he could tilt your face up towards his, his breath ghosting over your skin.  ‘I’m sure we could come to some arrangement that’d be mutually… satisfying.’

You cringed away from his touch, though you covered your disgust with a smirk that mirrored his, oozing confidence.  ‘Errr, yeah, here’s the thing, Negan.  I don’t think this is gonna happen, alright?  Have a good day though.’

You heard his chuckle of surprise as you spun on your heel and walked away, and knew that you’d just made yourself even more desirable in his eyes, a challenge, but you’d just struck a hell of a blow for the old you, the shy, quiet girl who’d had her heart broken at a party, and it felt pretty damn good.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of requests for more of this one, so here is part 2. Part 3 coming soon!

You grunted with frustration as the rough bark of the fallen tree grazed the skin of your palms, your arm muscles aching as you strained against the weight, your motivation renewed when it shifted an inch, then another.  You were on a supply run, having found a little town on the map not far from Alexandria that you hadn’t come across before and were intent on exploring.  However, you’d only driven maybe 10 miles before being brought up short by the blockage in the road, a gnarled old trunk that stretched from one bank to the opposite ditch.  You could go back to the map, find another way, but a quick glance at the faded lines showed that the detour would add another couple of hours onto your journey and, honestly, who had time for that?  So, you found yourself battling with nature, panting hard with your hands on your knees, giving your body a moment to recover before bracing yourself for another attempt.  You didn’t need to move it far, just another metre or so and you’d be able to squeeze the truck through, but it was slow progress.

The sound of another engine approaching dragged you away from your efforts, your fingers immediately going to the hilt of the knife that hung from your belt.  You’d feel better being out here with a gun to rely on, but Negan had taken that, along with the rest of the community’s firepower.  Selfish ass.  You ducked behind the driver’s side of your truck, just as a chunky SUV appeared round the corner, coming to a halt a few yards away.  You heard a door swing open, and the sound of heavy boots hitting the ground.  Your back was pressed against the hot metal, sending trickles of sweat down your chest, but you stayed put, biding your time, knowing you could only defend yourself at close range with just your blade at your disposal.  

You were poised on the balls of your feet, ready to launch yourself at the newcomer, when a familiar low whistle caught you off guard, and you let out a huff of exasperation.

‘You need a hand there, doll?’

You stepped out from your hiding place, staring Negan down as he leant casually against the hood of his car, a smug smile causing his eyes to twinkle as they roamed down your dusty, sweat-glazed body.

‘No.’  You turned your back on him, making for the tree again, more determined than ever to clear a path so you could get away from the bastard who was still eying you as though you were an ice-cold beer.  ‘I’m fine, thanks.’

‘Really?’  He let out a low chuckle as he watched you struggle, and you could feel his stare burning into your back.  ‘Cos you look like you could use some extra fucking muscle to shift that thing.’

‘You’ll be no use to me at all then,’ you snarked, gritting your teeth as you wrestled with the wood, finally succeeding in moving it another half a foot before having to step away again.  ‘You look like a lanky son of a bitch to me.  Don’t suppose you brought any of your big, strong Saviors with you?  Isn’t that what they’re for?  To do your heavy lifting?’

He looked genuinely offended, but you didn’t feel any remorse.  It was true. He’d always been kinda skinny.  At school that had made him look gangling and awkward, though his height still allowed him to tower over the poor kids he picked on.  By the time you reached college, his broad shoulders and slim hips had made him the centre of attention the instant he walked in to a room.  He was fast, skilled at the sports he played, though you doubted he had more strength than was necessary to hoist a girl up and pin her against his bedroom wall.  With that thought, your cheeks flushed, and you turned your back on him, pacing towards your pack to retrieve a bottle of water and taking a long drink, letting the liquid cool you.

You sensed him behind you before the musky scent of him assaulted your nose, and span to find him so close that his breath ghosted over your face, as his hand slipped up to rest in the curve of your waist, seemingly unbothered by the way your clothes stuck to you in the late morning heat.  

‘Oh sweetheart, you can pretend all you want that you aren’t as attracted to me as I am to you, but questioning my strength? I’m fucking hurt!’  His fingers were caressing you through the thin fabric of your t-shirt and you had to fight to keep yourself in place, unwilling to let him see how much that one small movement was getting to you.  ‘I’ll have you know there are muscles under these clothes you could only dream of.’

His face lowered towards yours, his lips hovering beside your ear and sending a shiver down your spine.  ‘I bet you have dreamt about it, haven’t you, princess? I know I have.’

You shoved him away then, your fingers flexing against his chest and sending him stumbling backwards, though he didn’t lose his arrogant smirk as he brought his hands up in front of him in surrender, a deep laugh rumbling from his belly.

‘Don’t touch me.’

‘Oh, it took you a little too long to object to that, doll.’  He was taunting you now, stepping up to the challenge you’d issued when you’d shot him down the last time you’d met.  ‘I think maybe you were enjoying yourself a little too much, huh?’

‘No.’

He raised an eyebrow, shaking his head at you, but then his demeanour shifted as though he realised you were seconds away from taking a swing at him.  Your fists were clenched by your sides, your breathing heavy as you backed away from him, putting some distance between you to minimise the risk of you doing something stupid.

‘Take a drive with me.’  His voice was low and soft, an uncomfortable juxtaposition from his peacocking of a few moments ago.  ‘I know I was a dick to you when we were in college, I remember that now.  But, damn girl, I can see you’re not the same person you were back then, and neither am I.’

‘I’m well aware of who you are, Negan.’  It was the apology you’d been waiting for for a long time, but you weren’t sure it could mean anything with all of the grief and upset he was causing for your people.  ‘I’ve heard all about exactly who you’ve become.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘It means you killed my friends!  And you enjoyed it!’  You’d heard in minute detail how he’d ground their skulls into the dirt with his grotesque baseball bat, how he’d had a smile on his face the whole time.  ‘You may not be the same guy that rejected me in front of his friends, but you’re still not somebody who’s worth my time.’

He considered this for a moment, the muscle in his jaw tensing as he fought back the snapped response that you knew was building in his throat.  When he finally spoke though, he surprised you.  ‘Are you telling me you haven’t killed?’

You had, of course you had.  Who these days hadn’t?  It was a dog eat dog world out there now and that meant you’d had to take people down, to become the biggest, baddest bitch you could be.  Your silence was the only answer he needed.

‘I keep people alive.  I only know one way to do that, and it’s through fear.  Hell, if I thought you’d come, I’d take you back to the Sanctuary, so you can see what I’ve built there.  You might not like my methods, but they work, Y/N.  I do what I gotta do, what other people can’t.’

You could feel yourself softening, and forced the images of Glenn and Abe to the front of your mind, focusing on them to keep the anger burning, but it was getting harder to do.  It wasn’t like your own group hadn’t killed in the same calculated way.  God, you’d seen Rick tear someone’s throat out with his teeth!  Nobody was innocent anymore.

‘Come for a drive with me,’ he said again, and at this point it was a choice between climbing into his car and letting him take control, or going back to your fight against the fallen tree that still blocked your way, so you found yourself nodding, the knot in your stomach tightening as you followed him back to his car, and let him help you inside.

* * *

 

He drove for a long time, winding down country lanes, speeding along long stretches of open road bordered on both sides by fields that rolled towards the horizon, the tall, whiskery grasses reaching for the sky.  At first you tried to keep track of his route, to remember each turn, but you eventually gave up, knowing that you’d never be able to find your way back.  It went against the grain for you to trust anyone except your own people, but you’d gone against every instinct you had when you’d agreed to this trip, and you now had no choice but to just go with it.

Negan was quiet, glancing over at you from time to time, but making no attempt to touch you again or engage you in conversation. You were grateful.  Your mind was reeling enough from his close proximity and the possibility that he might be human after all.  You weren’t sure you could take much more at that moment in time.  Sure, you were a lot more confident these days than you had been.  You could fight, shoot, scavenge, and you didn’t take shit from anybody.  But that timid, insecure little girl was still rooted at your core, and Negan’s presence seemed to give her the strength to fight through the front that you put up every day.

He’d slipped his leather jacket off before he’d gotten back into the car, and you could see that he’d been right: there were more muscles under the clothes than you’d thought.  His biceps were firm and defined as his hands rested on the wheel, and you could see that he would have had that damn tree out of your way in a matter of minutes had you accepted his offer of help rather than letting your pride get in the way.  But then you wouldn’t be here with him, on a silent road trip to God-knows-where, and a tiny part of you was interested to see how this played out.

You were drifting off when the engine finally shuddered to a halt and died, jolting you back into consciousness, and you sat forward, rubbing the back of your neck as you peered out through the windscreen.

Negan had parked the SUV up in the middle of a large yard, bordered on three sides by rundown buildings: a couple of barns, and what looked like some kind of lodge, with a veranda running around the top floor.

‘Where are we?’  Your voice was hoarse through lack of use, and you wished you hadn’t finished your water so early into the journey.  ‘What is this place?’

‘Welcome to Redford Ranch.’  He eased his door open, jumping down and rounding the vehicle to hold yours for you while you slipped from your seat.  ‘I used to come down here with my folks when I was a boy.’

You nodded, still not really understanding why you were there, but determined at this point to just go with it.  If nothing else, you might be able to get some useful intel to take back to Rick.  ‘It’s nice.  Or, it looks like it was, once.’

It was true.  You could see a tree in blossom round the side of the house, a wooden swing hanging from one of the lower boughs, and you could hear the trickle of water that indicated a stream somewhere nearby.

‘Yeah, it was a fucking amazing place back then. Used to come out for long weekends, spend the whole time outside, fishing and riding.’  He cast a sideways glance at you as you walked crossed the yard together, cutting down the side of the barn and heading down into the small valley beyond.  ‘I think this place is where I was happiest, y’know.  Like, I was actually fucking free or some shit.  I wanted to share it with you.’

For a second, your heart stopped, your cheeks colouring as his warm hazel eyes sought your own and held your gaze, his fingers catching yours and lacing through them, and then a moment of clarity brought you to your senses and you tore your hand away, letting out a sharp bark of laughter.  ‘Oh, you have got to be kidding me.  Negan, how many girls have you used that line on?’

‘It’s not a fucking line.’  He’d stopped walking, turning to face you and blinking down at you in disbelief.  

‘Yeah, right,’ you nodded.  ‘So, you’re telling me that in one of those buildings, we won’t find a hamper that just happens to be full of supplies for a special picnic just for us?  Maybe a freshly made bed just begging to be sullied?’

You saw him swallow hard, his eyes flicking towards the lodge, and you couldn’t help but laugh again.  ‘I’ve heard about your wives, man, I know you’ve got this shit down.  But if you want me, you’re gonna have to try a little bit harder.’

He was warring with himself, unsure whether to continue to protest his innocence or just give in and let you have this win, and he finally smiled, shaking his head and running his hand over the stubble that dusted his chin.  ‘Shit, doll.  You’ve got me.  But the day is still young.’

He took a step towards you, his hand creeping up to the back of your neck, his face pausing above yours, just for a moment before his lips descended, brushing against your own in a ghost of a kiss.  You recoiled instinctively, raising your hand to slap him hard across the cheek, leaving behind a glowing patch of red.  You prepared yourself to run, unsure how he’d handle your violent reaction and knowing full well what he was capable of, but he was grinning at you, his eyes sparkling with amusement as he nodded in acceptance.  ‘Alright, that was a bold fucking move, I’ll give you that.  Mark my words though, sweetheart, the next time I kiss you, you’ll be begging me for more.  Just you fucking wait.’


	3. Chapter 3

The water swirling around your toes was cool, tickling the tops of your ankles as you picked your way along the stream, your boots dangling from your fingers.  When Negan had suggested paddling to cool yourselves down, you’d initially been dubious, not wanting to leave yourself vulnerable, but the sight of him sitting on the bank and rolling his trousers up to his knees had tempted you in.  It really was idyllic, like a little slice of normal in the insane world you now had to live in.  You hadn’t seen a single walker since you’d arrived, and when you questioned Negan about it, he’d admitted to sending a patrol through semi-regularly to keep the place clear.

‘I come out here sometimes when I need to get some space.  People know not to fucking disturb me when I tell them I’m heading to Redford.  It’s the only time I actually get to be alone.’

‘Unless you’re using it as a palace of seduction, you mean?’ you observed distastefully.

He chuckled, shaking his head.  ‘Fuck, I’ve got to give the girls something, don’t I? They put up with my shit.  Least I can do is bring ‘em out here for a honeymoon.’

You were honestly surprised that he’d given any thought at all to what he owed his wives.  From what you knew of Negan way back when, he’d been a use ‘em and lose ‘em type, and when you’d heard about his harem, it had make all the sense in the world.  That he would actually care about giving them their special moment, even in this bizarre, topsy-turvy situation, showed a side of him that you hadn’t seen before, and you had to remind yourself who it was that you were dealing with.  You couldn’t let your guard down just because he seemed to have a heart buried deep inside his chest after all.

‘What about you?’ he asked, settling himself down on a patch of grass at the side of the stream and leaning back on his elbows. ‘Ever get hitched?’

‘No,’ you shook your head.  ‘Never really had time for it before, and after…  There’s still not a lot of time for it really, is there?’

‘You have to fucking make time for it, Y/N.’ He stretched his legs out, uncaring that the water was now soaking into the fabric bunched around his knees. ‘Now more than ever.  What’s the point in all this shit if you don’t?’

You couldn’t give him an answer, so you didn’t, instead twirling around in the water and watching as it rippled around your legs, glittering diamonds of sunlight shimmering in the small waves. Silence fell over you, and he eventually laid down, his t-shirt riding up to reveal an inch of taut, tanned skin above his waistband.  Your eyes fell immediately to the trail of dark hair that led down to his belt, and you felt a warmth growing within you that had nothing to do with the heat of the afternoon sun.  

Assuming that he had drifted off, you crept over to settle down beside him, but, as you drew closer, he jolted upright, his arms snaking out to catch you around the waist and pull you down into his lap. Your initial instinct was to fight, to drag yourself away.  Hadn’t he learnt by now not to manhandle you?  And yet…

His body was firm under yours, his grip tight but not painfully so, and you realised that you couldn’t remember the last time you’d been held.  His eyes were dark as they watched you, waiting for you to react, and you twisted yourself so that you didn’t have to look at his face, leaning back against his broad chest and letting your head rest in the crook of his neck, the pulse there thrumming against your cheek.  You couldn’t reach the water in your position, so you stretched yourself out, letting your feet slide down his legs until they were resting over his own, the stream just creeping up around the soles.  A sigh of contentment left your lips, and you felt him press a soft kiss to your forehead as you let your eyes drift closed.

 

* * *

 

The sun was starting to dip below the distant treeline when you felt fingers stroke gently down your arm, the warm body you were reclining against shifting and disturbing you as you fought to cling on to the last vestiges of your dream.  You’d been floating in the sea, your body being carried by the waves as they rolled gently away from the shore.  You were being dragged further and further from the land, and yet you weren’t scared.  You felt peaceful, safe, protected by the water’s cool embrace.  

‘C’mon, doll, time to wake up.’  Negan’s soft rasp dragged you back into full consciousness, and you eased yourself away from him, stretching your aching muscles, stiff after the morning’s battle with the fallen tree.  He was smiling at you with a look of genuine affection in his eyes, and you felt your cheeks flush with embarrassment.  

‘I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.’

‘S’alright, sweetheart.  If I had to guess, I’d say you’re always the first one to volunteer to take watch, the first one out the gate in the mornings and the last one to roll back in after dark.  You could probably use the damn rest.’

You nodded.  ‘Yeah, you’re right.’

‘You don’t sleep?’

‘Not really,’ you admitted.  ‘My head’s always kinda busy, y’know.  Trying to figure out what the group needs, where to go next, how to deal with whatever threat we’ve got hanging over us.’  You sighed.  ‘People just keep dying, and each time we lose someone we lose a fighter too. People are a resource, right, so the less of us there are, the more pressure there is to provide and protect.’

‘I get it.’  You met his eyes and knew that he did, the pain there was so sincere. ‘I don’t sleep either.’

The moment grew heavier as his gaze remained fixed on yours, and you knew you had to break away, to find a distraction, so you levered yourself to your feet, rubbing your eyes to try and wake yourself up a little more.  ‘So, what now?’

‘Well.’  He shifted uncomfortably.  ‘There’s still a hamper of food back at the Lodge.  I don’t know about you but I’m fucking starving.’

‘We’re gonna lose the light soon,’ you observed, the logical part of your brain telling you that you needed to get back, though a selfish part of you really didn’t want to leave.  

‘Hey, stay and have dinner with me.’  He was as reluctant for the day to end as you were, though you thought his reasons may be different.  ‘I’ll get you back safe, I promise.’  

‘I can get myself back.  I just need a ride to my truck.’  That stubborn streak ran deep and you saw his shoulders slump, feeling a twinge of guilt for shutting down his knight in shining armour routine. ‘I could eat, though.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Lead the way.’

 

* * *

 

You feasted on sandwiches filled with cured pork from the Kingdom and fresh tomatoes from the Hilltop, and you should have felt awful that you were satisfying your hunger with supplies gained through fear and violence, but it tasted so good that you couldn’t find that judgemental place within yourself that usually rose to the surface so easily.  Negan devoured his in a few greedy bites, sucking his fingers clean, while you nibbled at yours, starting with the crusts and working your way in, determined to savour every mouthful.  You washed it down with lukewarm water, but even that couldn’t ruin the meal.

You finally felt calm enough about the situation that you were able to rein yourself in a little, take control of your emotions.  Since Negan had reappeared in your life, you’d been scratchy and stubborn, acting like a petulant teenager as your rebellious side fought to push down the uptight, insecure little girl that had surged to the surface.  But you had to admit, it felt good to relax in his company, not because of who he was, but because it was what you needed.  In that moment, you were just a woman spending a beautiful day with a man, in a world that didn’t revolve around walkers and scavenging and fighting for survival.

After you’d eaten, you stretched out on the veranda on top of blankets that Negan had fetched from the bed and watched as the light faded away.  You felt satisfied, your stomach full, your skin glowing from a day spent in the sunshine, and your soul soothed by the break from the ongoing battle of existence. You hadn’t realised how badly you needed to take a step back and just let yourself relax, but now you’d had the opportunity, you could feel the tension of the past few weeks, months, years, starting to slip away.  You’d reminisced about the people you loved, you’d laughed, you’d felt the grass beneath your feet, and you’d been held in the strong arms of an attractive man.  It was like a tonic to the responsibilities that you had on your shoulders.

You felt Negan shift beside you, and then his face appeared, blocking your view of the stars that were flickering into life. His fingers were stroking over your cheek, as his eyes locked on yours.  You could see what he wanted, what he was asking for, but you couldn’t, could you? Your skin was humming with the energy that was building between you, every cell in your body straining towards him. How long had it been, you wondered? Back before the dead started walking, for sure, but how long before that?  You vaguely remembered a drunken, fumbling experience after an office party several years ago, but it hadn’t set your world on fire.  Negan…  You had a feeling that a night with him would smoulder deep in your core for a long time.  

Images of Glenn and Abe ghosted across your vision, your heart giving a warning pang of betrayal, but this wasn’t about Negan. This was about you and what you needed, what you wanted.

‘Kiss me.’  The words fell from your lips before your mind caught up with your craving, and when the smile of satisfaction spread across his face, you snaked your arms around his neck, pulling his face down to you so that you wouldn’t have to acknowledge his supposed victory.  His lips were gentle on yours, as he tested your reactions, waiting for you to change your mind and swing for him again, but you were too far gone now, decision made. You moaned against his mouth, spurring him on as the kiss became deeper, and you felt his weight pressing you into the soft folds of the blanket as he rolled on top of you, his hands already wandering, skimming over the curve of your waist before sliding under your shirt, his touch burning your skin.

You melted at the intimacy, as he left a trail of hot, wet kisses down your neck, eliciting a desperate whimper as you squirmed beneath him.  He pulled back, taking in your flushed cheeks, the glaze of your eyes and the way your breaths were coming in heavy pants.  

‘You want this, doll?’

‘I do.’

‘Remember what I told you?’

‘What?’  You couldn’t think straight, couldn’t form a coherent thought beyond the need for him to be kissing you again.  ‘What are you talking about?’

‘I told you you were gonna beg me, princess.’

‘Negan-’

‘Come on, you can do better than that.’

‘Please.’  You didn’t care anymore.  You had no pride.  You needed to be touched, you needed to feel wanted, like you were good for something other than toil and dirty work.  ‘Please, I need you.  Please!’

His mouth crashed onto yours again, and you lost yourself in the haze of his greedy kisses, the confidence of his well-practised movements, and the deep growls that rumbled from his chest as he shattered you into pieces again and again.  

When he finally tired of toying with you and claimed you as his, you didn’t make a sound, too caught up in your own desire to be able to do anything except focus on breathing, on holding on as tight as you could to ensure that you wouldn’t float away into the ether, and when you both tumbled into the darkness together, you squeezed your eyes shut and let your other senses take over.

As your high ebbed away, Negan rolled off of you, pulling you into his side, his lips brushing against your tangled mess of hair. ‘Shit, doll, I could get used to this.’

Your last thought as you drifted off to sleep was that maybe this was more to him than just another short-lived indulgence, but you slipped into unconsciousness before you could even begin to consider what that meant.

 

* * *

 

You woke at first light, easing yourself out from under the heavy arm that pinned you to the ground, stretching your aching muscles and climbing to your feet.  It had been warm on the veranda the previous evening, but now the dawn had brought a chill with it, raising goosebumps over your skin.  You stood for a while, gazing out at the horizon, revelling in the feeling of being satisfied, sated.  Yesterday had been a selfish day, but you’d needed it.  You’d needed a day away from the stress, a day that felt like old times, a day of good company and easy conversation.  And God, you’d needed that release.  As you glanced down at the sleeping form still stretched out under the blanket, you realised that was all it had been.  You still saw the man that had rejected you all those years ago, the psychopath that had killed your friends.  Maybe there was something buried deep within him that made him redeemable, but that wasn’t for you to discover.  You’d gotten what you needed.  The next time you and Negan met, it would be as two people fighting on opposite sides once again.

Your inner teenager though felt settled, at peace, and you realised that you’d finally gotten your closure.  

Wandering to the other end of the building, a tall tower in the distance caught your eye, and you recognised it as one of the landmarks you passed when making your way to the Hilltop.  You knew where you were.  Negan must have taken you the long way round to disorientate you, and you rolled your eyes at the thought of him figuring out how to ensure that he’d have you to himself for as long as he desired.  Asshole.  

Dressing quickly, you left Negan sleeping and headed to the kitchen, rifling through the dresser until you found an old napkin and a pen and scribbling a note which you left under a box of eggs on the table, intended for breakfast, presumably.

_What goes around, comes around…_

_Your truck is at the tree._

_X_

You’d been relying on Negan’s sense of security here to mean that he’d leave the keys in the ignition, and you were right.  The truck started first time, and you rolled slowly down the drive, revving the engine and picking up speed when you were a safe distance from the ranch.  You wanted to put a few miles between you and the lodge before Negan woke up.

It promised to be another beautiful day, and you wound down the window, letting your arm hang out as you drove and enjoying the rush of the breeze against your skin.

Whatever was coming, you were ready now.  Ready to fight, ready to hunt, ready to do whatever was needed to keep your people safe.  You felt strong, like the badass Negan had declared you to be when he’d found you at Alexandria, and you guessed you had him to thank for that.  Was this why he’d always done it, you wondered, taken what he needed from his conquests then left them at daybreak?  How many girls had he left feeling used and broken-hearted?

You imagined him waking up alone, finding himself stranded, discovering your note, and you couldn’t keep the smile from your face.  A part of you wondered what his next move would have been.  A little more sweet talk, a lot more loving, then maybe a proposal…  If he’d thought he was going to convince you to leave your people and move to the Sanctuary to be with him, then your absence would shoot him down in flames.  What goes around, comes around indeed.


End file.
